Christina Aguilera was the first, but she certainly won't be the last celebrity to proffer a vaguely sincere sorry for how things went down at the Super Bowl on Sunday. After flubbing a line of our national anthem in front of millions of viewers and a very prickly live audience, X-tina released a statement saying: "I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through."
We expect many more such missives in the next several days, namely from The Black Eyed Peas for stealing a little piece of America's soul with their halftime performance and Cameron Diaz for making everyone gag on their chicken wings when she was caught on camera hand-feeding A-Rod. We suspect there will ultimately be some words of regret issued by Groupon for their vaguely insensitive Timothy Hutton-Tibet ad from Sunday night. Timothy Hutton may also say sorry. he doesn't seem to have much else going on.
But the question is, does any of it matter? Are these real apologies or are they the kind of forced, head hanging, I don't want a spanking and I just really want everyone to keep liking me fauxpologies which have become as commonplace in celebrity land as they are in middle school. Any time we see someone famous publicly criticized for their actions we see a careful tango of public guilt admission, meant to exonerate all sins and make sure they still get to sit with the rest of the popular kids in the lunchroom.
The fauxpology was in full effect last week when the cast of 'Glee' apologized to Lindsay Lohan for mocking her on an episode of their show. Of course they only did it because they ran into her at a restaurant (awkward!), and they totally proved they didn't mean it when they made fun of her mom Dina on last night's episode and got mean girl Katie Couric in on the action.
Last month, network TNT had to issue an apology on behalf of comedian Tracy Morgan for his crude remarks about Sarah Palin on 'Inside the NBA.'
"It's unfortunate Mr. Morgan showed a lack of judgment on our air with his inappropriate comments. We apologize for any embarrassment or offense it may have caused," TNT fauxpologized in a statement. Notice Morgan himself issued no such apology, faux or otherwise.
The mark of a fauxpology is that it just doesn't seem sincere. But since bad behavior in Hollywood has become the norm rather than the exception, it will become a regular tool in a celeb's arsenal.
The fauxpology is quicker and easier for getting out of a tight spot than heading to rehab, and it works to transfer guilt and shame for the brief moment it takes for someone else in the spotlight to muck things up in a new and exciting way.
Let the Super Bowl fauxpologies begin, and let's hope the cast of 'Glee' doesn't run into Dina Lohan at lunch.
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