Motherhood certainly isn't easy, but when Sinead O'Connor started having a difficult time with her 6-year-old son, Shane, the emotions ran so high that she took to Twitter to find some release. That catharsis reportedly included posts in which the Irish singer pondered suicide, but she recently explained that she wasn't actually going to go through with the act.
"I would never act on those feelings," the 44-year-old O'Connor told the Irish Mail, as reported by the Daily Mail. "A lot of people have suicidal thoughts and you should never be ashamed to say that is how you are feeling. That was how I was feeling at the time that I wrote on Twitter and now I am dealing with my feelings. But I would never ever act on those feelings. By saying you feel the way you do it's a way of getting rid of the feelings."
"When I posted on Twitter it was like emotional diarrhea, I was thinking out loud, and it was a great blessing that I could express my those thoughts," she continued.
The tweets were inspired by her difficulties raising Shane, the child she had after an affair with musician and producer Donal Lunny. O'Connor admitted to "smashing his XBox on the floor" last summer and how she started to hate herself as a mother even after she replaced the gaming system. She also blames her suicidal thoughts on guilt over the lack of a father figure in Shane's life and admitted to pushing Lunny away.
"I felt suicidal because it's my fault that Shane's father isn't in his life," she said. "And because I wasn't able to take the pain away from him, the pain I caused. And because I hadn't understood that Shane's acting out was over the grief he has around not having his father."
News of the comments sparked concern for her children's welfare and might even call for a visit from social workers -- something that O'Connor welcomes with open arms. "Any experiences I have ever had with social services is they're very helpful," she said. "They're in the business of supporting parents and therefore kids. So they aren't people to fear. So I wouldn't mind at all if they came around. Maybe they'd have some advice. If they could at least post some, I'd be grateful."
While the Irish Mail reported that O'Connor had "desperate thoughts last week," O'Connor's official site says that she was "shutting down my twitter accounts" on Jan. 18. Although she says that she plans to start a new account at some point, there has been no announcement yet.
O'Connor's mental problems have long been covered in the media, and the 'Nothing Compares 2 U' singer has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She attempted suicide via an overdose when she was 33 after fearing one of her kids would be taken from her. After seeing what her family went through after the attempt, however, she vowed to never do it again.
"For me, suicide is one of the most selfish acts a person can do. You may as well murder your whole family," she said.
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