Snooki -- I've NEVER Written a Check Before in My Life

She's made a TON of cash in the last few years -- but Snooki claims she's never written a real check before in her life ... and now she's gonna exploit the hell out of her bank ignorance on her upcoming spin-off.

It's just another one of the jewels we discovered in the rundown of Snooks' new show -- "Snooki and Jwoww Vs. The World" ... yes, that's the actual working title.

According to the documents, obtained by TMZ, one of the big scenes takes place inside of a Jersey bank, when Papa Snooki tries to teach the 23-year-old how to fill out a check book.

When Snooki ... who's reportedly banking $30k per ep ... finally opens her first checking account -- she asks the banker, "Do you have any blinged out checks?"

The rundown explains, "She gets a crash course in balancing her checkbook ... but adding and subtracting from the ledger proves too much for her."

Elisabetta Canalis Learns on CNN She'll Never Be Mrs. Clooney

When George Clooney sat down for an interview with CNN's Piers Morgan, he made it clear to the world that he doesn't want to get married again. Too bad he forgot to mention this to longtime girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis.

"I hate to blow your whole news story, but I was married," George told 'Piers Morgan Tonight' on Friday. "Yeah, so I've proven how good I was at it, and I just ... I'm allowed one," the 48-year-old actor-philanthropist said referring to his marriage to actress Talia Balsam from 1989 to 1993.

"Elisabetta had no idea he was going to say that," a friend of the Italian beauty tells me. "She thought she was going to be the girl who would finally get George to settle down and put a ring on it. She was totally surprised."

Even the star's dad, Nick, who was in the same interview, seemed surprised by his son's answer on plans to walk down the aisle again, telling George, "I want you to think about that. I want you to think about ... we've been married ... Nina [George's mom] and I've been married 51 years."

However, friends tell me despite what George might say in public, Elisabetta won't take no for an answer. "If he doesn't ask her to marry him soon she will ask him," an insider tells me. "And if he says no, well there are plenty more fish in the ocean."

Good look finding another fish that looks like George!

Detroit Red Wings Will Sign Evgeni Nabokov, but He'll Never Be a Red Wing

Multiple sources, including TSN.ca and the NHL's media site, are reporting that the Red Wings are about to sign veteran netminder Evgeni Nabokov to an undisclosed deal that would see him return to the NHL.

Nabokov signed a four-year deal over the summer to play in the KHL. However, after a lackluster start to his season with SKA St. Petersburg, the team released the goalie, making him an unrestricted free agent.

The decision to sign Nabokov is curious inasmuch as Detroit has a starting goalie in Jimmy Howard, and though veteran backup Chris Osgood is on the shelf with a groin injury for the next six weeks, he is expected to continue his season with the Red Wings.

Regardless of the reasons for the signing, it seems almost certain that Nabokov will never put on a Red Wings sweater.

As the St. Louis Blues have discovered twice this season, signing a former NHL player from the KHL is no guarantee that that player will join your team.

The Blues signed both Marek Svatos and Kyle Wellwood to contracts that would have ostensibly made them St. Louis Blues.

However, due to the fact that such players must go through re-entry waivers, thus exposing them to being picked up by other teams, the two forwards ended up going to Nashville and San Jose, respectively.

The idea that 29 other teams, many with goaltending issues of their own, would let Nabokov go untouched to Detroit is unrealistic, to put it mildly.

Tampa Bay, Washington and even Nabokov's former NHL club San Jose could benefit from a veteran goalie on their roster.

That they'd let a player such as Nabokov slip through their collective fingers seems highly unlikely.

Speculation on why Detroit is making this move is a story in itself. However, the near impossibility of Nabokov clearing waivers makes any speculation moot.

Kings To Call Power Balance Pavilion Home, Never Fall Down Again

The Sacramento Kings' ARCO Arena will be transformed into Power Balance Pavilion next month, reports SB Nation blog Sactown Royalty. You may recognize Power Balance as the snake oil salesmen who pitch rad bracelets that purport to imbue their wearers with superpowers like "awesome balance" and "sweet power." Power Balance, however, recently admitted these superpowers are nonexistent.

Essentially then, these are neat looking placebos to be used for decoration. Interestingly enough, that's just what DeMarcus Cousins, star of the Kings and wearer of Power Balance bands, had already thought of them before learning of his home court's new name.

From NBA.com reporter and all-around swell dude Jimmy Spencer:

I asked DeMarcus Cousins weeks ago if the Power Balances he wears on both wrists work. He laughed, "Hell no! These are just for decoration."

Well there you have have it; we will, however, see if Cousins changes his tune once Power Balance presents fat endorsement checks they've used to woo players like Lamar Odom, Shaquille O'Neal, Derrick Rose and Brandon Jennings.

Meanwhile, The Basketball Jones has endeavored to redesign the Kings' logo in light of the news.