Dating Wisdom We've Learned From Reality TV

Since the early 1990s, when MTV rolled out the first season of its ever-enduring homage to voyeruism, 'The Real World,' reality television and its stars have become an inescapabale part of our cultural lexicon. From the waist-whittling starvation on 'Survivor' to the brutal effects of 'Bridalplasty,' we've come to see our own lives and the disturbing-yet-somehow-enviable lives of drunk, naked and carefree reality stars, through a new, maybe softer, lens.

Arguably, the most successful reality market is the dating segment, which has launched a number of successful, if short-lived, reality TV careers, as well as the platform on which many celebrities have reclaimed their success. Despite the pain, humiliation and abundant vomiting (we're looking at you, Bret Michaels) that so often comes along with finding love on TV, the struggles of these people, who are often so unlike any person you would have occasion to meet anywhere in our solar system, still strike a chord somewhere in the toughened, black knot we once called our heart. Inside, we reveal the greatest romantic insights we've learned from reality TV.

If you're reasonably attractive, there's no need to pretend you're not shallow.
For those of us who don't regularly visit the Playboy website, our first introduction to blond beauty Megan Hauserman was on 'Beauty and the Geek,' where the former Cyber Girl competed for -- and won -- $125,000 alongside adorably awkward teammate Scooter Zackheim. The aspiring something-or-other went on to use her good looks to woo Bret Michaels on the second season of 'Rock of Love,' but it wasn't until Hauserman was given her own show that her celebrity was confirmed. Hauserman and VH1 execs seemed to have their work cut out for them and didn't beat around the bush when it came to titling the show. 'Megan Wants a Husband?' Nah, too boring. 'Megan Wants a Guy With a 401(k) and a Jetta?' DREAM BIGGER. And thus, 'Megan Wants a Millionaire' was born.

Vomiting and making out go together like a weave and a bandana.
We like Bret Michaels. He's funny, a good musician and, from all appearances, a nice guy. So why did he spend three seasons mingling with some of the creepiest, most-backstabbing, least hygenic women this world has ever seen? Among our favorites of these lovely ladies was Marcia, the Brazilian firecracker whose love for Michaels was only matched by her love for tequila straight from the bottle. The combination of bumpy bus driving and cheap booze proved too much for Marcia on one occasion, causing some on-camera cookie-tossing, but Marcia was undeterred. Embodying Vince Lombardi's classic motto, "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up," the bubbly brunette moved quickly from losing her lunch to a lip-lock with Michaels -- all before she could brush her teeth.

It's OK to eliminate both of the final contestants from a dating show because, like magic, 30 more girls will line up to find out if you'll do the same to them.
Brad Womack may be handsome and charming, but math doesn't seem to be his strong suit. After eliminating both Jenni Croft and DeAnna Pappas in the final episode of his 'Bachelor' season, Womack found himself -- shocker! -- alone. But fear not for the good-natured entrepreneur, who, despite his bold (read: well-informed) choice, was given another chance at love on the 15th season of the show. With any luck, he's learned by now that 2-2 = 0.

Like twin birth, twin dating must happen at the same time.
Perhaps we should have been clued in to the inherent grossness of 'A Double Shot at Love' by the bachelorettes' self-imposed moniker the "Ikki Twins," but after Tila Tequila broke our hearts by eliminating Dani on the first 'Shot at Love,' we held out hope that something could be salvaged from those kiddie pools full of Jell-O and broken dreams. Unfortunately, it turns out that bisexual intrafamilial double-dating just isn't the fairy tale everyone makes it out to be.

People who weigh more than 110 pounds are worthy of love, but only if they provide constant reminders of their exact size.
America's obsession with weight has exploded into the reality TV market in recent years, with shows like 'Heavy' and 'I Used to Be Fat' joining the bevy of weight-loss series on TV. However, one reality show embraced the fullness of their contestants' figures, even going as far as to suggest that they were not only acceptable, but attractive, at their current weights. While we were never convinced that 'More to Love' would tip the scales in favor of a healthier body image for those who watched, we held out some hope that the show would, at the very least, err on the side of caution in its portrayal of the contestants. No such luck! Every testimonial shot of the contestants showed viewers not only contestants' names but their weights, in an effort to remind audiences just how unlike normal people the overweight are, even in a country where more than one-third of the population is obese. The kicker? Bachelor Luke ended up picking the girl with the lowest weight, who also just so happened to be a model.

Successful first dates for straight girls often begin with a married man and a gay guy.
Let's start by saying that 'Gay, Straight, or Taken' is somewhat of a misnomer for what's going on here. On this short-lived Lifetime reality show, a female contestant would go on a first date with three guys. If that doesn't set off your creep radar yet, this will: The girl's job was then to determine which of the men was straight and single, which one was straight and taken and which one was gay. Although it was never addressed, the gay contestant on the show was always in a relationship as well, but 'Gay and Taken, Straight and Taken, or Single and Looking' just doesn't have the same ring to it. After usually saying a bunch of silly and offensive things while making their determination ("Well, he does have nice eyebrows and like Rock Hudson movies..."), if the female contestant correctly identified the single, straight guy, the two got to do what most virtual strangers do on a second date: take a weeklong vacation together.

So, good luck in your romantic pursuits and remember, if there's a camera crew filming you, all bets are off. Put on your cowboy hat, take out your false teeth and let your freak flag fly. In the end, perhaps the most important take-away from reality TV is that no matter how difficult your personality, no matter how horrifying you, your significant other or the world at large considers your looks, or how upfront you are about being a total gold digger, there is not only hope, but abundant, drunken groping waiting for you in a lavish mansion somewhere.

NFL Playoffs Schedule: Jets Vs. Steelers Game Time, TV Schedule And Information

Here's everything you need to know about today's AFC Championship Game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Jets, from game time to odds.

Game Time: The AFC Championship Game should have a kickoff right around 6:30 p.m. Eastern from Heinz Field in Pittsburgh.

TV Schedule: CBS will broadcast the AFC Championship Game. Its pregame show starts at 6 p.m. Eastern.

Weather: Pittsburgh won't be in the single digits, but it will be in the teens.

Field Condition: Who knows? Heinz Field is notoriously poor, but the Steelers have been the only team using the field for almost a month, and the field didn't look so bad when the Steelers defeated the Ravens last week.

Performances: Country star Martina McBride gets national anthem duties, and will be followed by another country "star," Joe Nicols, at halftime. Hank Williams Jr., originally scheduled for halftime, had to cancel.

Odds: The Steelers are currently favored by four points at home.

As we near kickoff at 6:30 p.m. Eastern on Sunday, stay tuned to this StoryStream for updates. And for further reading, be sure to check out our Steelers blog, Behind The Steel Curtain, and our Jets blog, Gang Green Nation.

TV Legend Regis Philbin Announces Retirement

Regis Philbin, the ubiquitous ABC morning host who has logged more TV time than anyone in history, is retiring.

The 79-year-old Philbin, who co-hosts the network's "Live! with Regis and Kelly," made the announcement this morning on the show that bears his name.

"This will be my last year on this show," Philbin said. "It's been a long time, it's been 28 years since I've been here. And it was the biggest thrill of my life.

"There is a time that everything must come to an end for certain people on camera, especially certain old people," he joked.

The New York-born host, who came to national prominence in 1964 in a short stint replacing Steve Allen as host of the "Tonight Show," later caught on as Joey Bishop's sidekick on "The Joey Bishop Show."

The three-time Emmy Award winner Philbin plans to step down at the end of the summer or in the fall. Co-host Kelly Ripa, whose role often involved reining in or expressing shock at the over-bubbly septuagenarian, was emotional after Philbin's announcement.
"I think I can only speak for America and all of us here when I say it has been a pleasure and a privilege and a dream come true," Ripa said. "And I wish I could do something to change your mind."

"Live!" grew out of a local WABC-TV program Philbin began in 1983 with co-host Cyndy Garvey. Kathie Lee Gifford, then known as Kathie Lee Johnson, began co-hosting with Philbin in 1985. The show was picked up for national syndication in 1988 and rechristened "Live! With Regis and Kathie Lee." Gifford stayed on until July, 2000, at which time Philbin spent several months working with guest hosts until Ripa was named permanent co-host in 2001.

While Philbin is most readily associated with the morning show, he has hosted numerous specials and game shows through the years. He was the original host of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," which was a ratings success when it debuted in 1999 and made "Is that your final answer?" a household refrain.

Philbin was also the first host of NBC's "America's Got Talent," in 2006, doing double duty and flying back and forth between the coasts. In 2004, he set a Guinness world record with his 15,188th hour in front of a TV camera, a standard he has expanded on by more than 1,000 more hours.

ABC said the "Live" show will continue with a replacement for Philbin, but did not say when the host would be named.

Sarah Michelle Gellar Heading Back to TV in CBS Drama

Sarah Michelle Gellar is returning to TV with a pilot for CBS, reports Deadline.com. The former 'Buffy' star will make her return to primetime in a pilot titled 'Ringer.'

'Ringer' is a drama in which Gellar plays a troubled young woman hiding out from the mob by inhabiting the life of her wealthy twin sister. The show is a creation of 'Supernatural' writer-producers Eric Charmelo and Nicole Snyder.

Since the series finale of 'Buffy' in 2003, Gellar's most notable roles have been as Daphne in the 'Scooby Doo' films and Karen in the American remake of the Japanese horror film 'The Grudge' and its sequel.

Gellar and husband Freddie Prinze, Jr. had their first child, a daughter named Charlotte Grace, in September of 2009. The couple first met in 1999 on the set of the horror film 'I Know What You Did Last Summer,' but didn't begin dating until 2000. They married in September 2002 in Mexico. In 2007, Gellar legally changed her name to Sarah Michelle Prinze in honor of five years of marriage to Prinze.

5 Biggest Golden Globes Surprises in TV Categories

For the first hour or so, almost every TV category presented at the 68th Annual Golden Globes was a shocker… Here are the five biggest surprises of the night:

– Katey Sagal wins best actress in a drama series. It’s not surprising that Sagal earned the award, it’s surprising she actually won considering how statue-deprived FX’s underdog series Sons of Anarchy has been. Sagal’s husband and series creator Kurt Sutter looked cool and calm during her speech, but quickly Tweeted: “F— Me!!! We Won.”

– HBO loses best movie/miniseries. At about a half hour into the Globes telecast, audiences were united by a single thought: “What the hell is Carlos?” HBO typically dominates longform categories and its $200 million-plus The Pacific along with Emmy favorite Temple Grandin got beat by a French-made mini that aired on little ol’ Sundance Channel. Not that HBO was too broken up about this since…

– Boardwalk Empire overthrew Mad Men (and Dexter and The Good Wife and The Walking Dead). Whaaaa? Just when we finally began to accept that nothing could beat Mad Men, something beat Mad Men. The Prohibition drama busted the AMC drama’s streak and helped put HBO back in the drama series driver’s seat. Just as surprising …

– Steve Buscemi wins best actor in a drama series. Some critics thought Buscemi was miscast in Boardwalk, but the HFPA disagreed. Mr. Pink beat out heavy-heavy hitters Bryan Cranston, Michael C. Hall, Jon Hamm, and Hugh Laurie.

– Chris Colfer wins best supporting actor in a comedy. Perhaps not the biggest surprise of the night on the TV side, but certainly the most moving. The Glee star’s jaw-dropped moment as he realized he won, followed by his inspiring speech, provided exactly the sort of emotional rush we want in award shows. “To all the amazing kids who watch our show … who are constantly told ‘No’ … by bullies at school that they can’t be who they are, well, screw that, kids.”

Why Best TV Actress Winner Laura Linney Missed The Globes

Celebrated actress Laura Linney was awarded with another accolade on Sunday – a Golden Globe win for her work on Showtime’s “The Big C” — but she wasn’t there to receive it for a tragic reason.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Laura’s father, Romulus Linney, a playwright, died of lung cancer the night before. Romulus died at his home in Germantown, N.Y., the trade mag reported.

Laura won the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a TV Comedy series for playing Cathy Jamison on “The Big C,” a high school teacher and mom, whose life changes after finding out she has stage 4 cancer.

Romulus’ funeral will be a private ceremony, the mag reported.

It was the second Globe win for Laura, who previously took home the award for Best Performance by an Actress In a Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television in 2009 for her role in the mini-series “John Adams.”

Actor David Nelson of Famous TV Family Dies at 74

David Nelson, who starred on his parents' popular television show "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," has died. He was 74.

Family spokesman and longtime Hollywood publicist Dale Olson says Nelson died Monday at his home in the Century City area of Los Angeles after battling complications of colon cancer.

Nelson was the last surviving member of the Nelsons TV family and directed numerous episodes of the long-running series. His film credits include "Peyton Place," "The Big Circus" and "Love and Kisses." He also appeared in various TV roles.

Nelson is survived by his wife, Yvonne; four sons and a daughter; and seven grandchildren. A service will be held Thursday.

'SportsDome' Tries To Capture Rare Success For Sports Comedy On TV

The Onion, your most trusted source of fake news for the last two decades, will try its hand at TV sports comedy with the premiere of SportsDome on Comedy Central on Tuesday (starting time at 10:30/9:30 Central). It's being billed as the sports version of Comedy Central's The Daily Show, but it's more accurately described as a cut-up of ESPN's flagship SportsCenter.

Which is to say it's full of the bombast and absurdity that ESPN has made a staple of American sports fandom. The only difference is that the stories are about Bill Belichik throwing acid in Tom Brady's face and a boxer with a metal hands.

Scripted TV sports comedy hasn't had the best record of success. ESPN itself tried it a few times; Jay Mohr's Mohr Sports, an attempt at a Leno-style talk show (I mean that in the meanest way possible) with a sports bent, was dreadful and didn't last one season. Cheap Seats, ESPN's Mystery Science Theater 3000 infused Sklar brothers vehicle, lasted longer, but still didn't really manage to take sports comedy mainstream. Sports Soup, a weekly show on Versus that borrows the clips-and-jokes formula of E!'s wonderful The Soup, has similarly lasted but failed to make a wide mark.

The Onion plays a different sport entirely, and I'm almost embarrassed I mentioned Jay Mohr in this post. One of the keys will be how the hosts, Matt Walton and Matt Oberg, recreate the worst of SportsCenter smarm and cliché. The trailer above sets hopes high, as Oberg captures the Stephen Colbert faux sincerity rather well and Walton's deadpan delivery looks solid. With guest spots from Gary Payton and others, this looks promising.

SportsDome airs on Comedy Central Tuesday night at 10:30 Eastern and Pacific, 9:30 Central.